April Fool's Joke




Since 2002, every year AutoZine posts a joke on the 1st of April. Here is a collection of the past jokes. Enjoy !




2018
Bugatti's next speed record challenger



Bugatti boss Stefan Winkelmann confirms that the company will not attempt to set a new world speed record for Chiron, as its manpower is fully occupied by new development such as Champagne Gold edition, Green Tea edition and Dim Sum edition. However, according to people knowing the matter, Winkelmann is actually afraid of failing to beat Koenigsegg. Although the Chiron has a theoretical top speed of over 280 mph, the record set by Koenigsegg Agera RS last year was very close at 277.9 mph. Moreover, he believes Christian von Koenigsegg deliberately reserved some speed in that run, as bald men are always tricky. If Bugatti loses again, many of its billionaire customers are likely to cancel orders and risks the year-end bonus of Winkelmann.

However, Winkelmann acknowledges that world speed record would be essential to a flamboyant hypercar maker serving arrogant parvenus. Therefore, he has already greenlighted the development of an upgraded version of Chiron, likely to be called Chiron SS, or "Series series". It is guaranteed to topple Koenigsegg for many years to come.



Bugatti studied laws of physics and found that during speed run most power is spent to fight against air drag. Inspired by bike racing, the Chiron Series series have multiple Chirons bonded in series by structural adhesives to form a train. As a result, power is multiplied while drag remains largely unchanged and mainly taken by the first car, thus top speed can be lifted substantially. In computer simulation, two Chirons in series is able to reach 330 mph, whereas three can achieve an estimated 365 mph. When Koenigsegg introduces faster cars, Bugatti can add more Chirons to the train and keep a comfortable lead.

Most brilliant, the SS will help Bugatti to sell more Chirons, as customers will compete with each other to assemble the world's fastest SS !


Renault-Nissan-Mitsubishi to merge

Group boss Carlos Ghosn is working on a plan to merge Renault, Nissan and Mitsubishi into a single corporation.

The alliance was formed in 1999 when Renault saved Nissan from the edge of bankruptcy. It added Mitsubishi in 2016 during the season-end clearance to form a 10-million vehicles maker. However, since  Carlos Ghosn increasingly loves to eat sushi, watch AV and work in Japan, the French government, which owns 15 percent stakes in Renault, hopes to merge the three into a single company to reinstate the French leadership. Back in February, Ghosn revealed that he was devising a plan to "make the alliance irreversible". Now the plan becomes clearer.

Under the plan, Renault, Nissan and Mitsubishi will transfer their shares to a new holding company called RenaultNissanMitsubishi, or RNM, to be headquartered in Bermuda Triangle, which is chosen for outstanding network privacy. Employees can choose to work there, or keep working in existing locations until they are replaced by artificial intelligence to be introduced by Le Cost Killer soon. The full merger will also transfer all products to the new RNM brand to save marketing and badge-engineering costs. Its new logo has already been confirmed:




Dyson electric car secret revealed



Home electric appliance maker Dyson is entering car market next year with a revolutionary EV. The new car, internally known as "Sucks!", has been under development for more than two years by a team of 400. According to insiders, the car will "reinvent motoring" and "show the right path to Silicon Valley idiots who send their cars to space orbit".

How is the "Sucks!" going to achieve that? The secret lies on its Negative Emission technology. Inspired by the company's vacuum cleaners, it will employ a number of cyclonic separators driven by ultra-high-speed digital motors that are able to suck particulate matters and NOx molecules on the road, have them absorbed and stored until cleaning. As a result, it will be the first ever vehicle achieving not zero but negative emission. Hopefully it will get bonus grant from governments.

Moreover, the "Sucks!" is expected to put an end to autonomous driving technology. Dyson said it will target at millions of housewives who enjoy the pleasure of sucking everyday but are, somehow, rarely fulfilled. Hopefully it will put driving pleasure back to the motoring world.






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